It's been five long years since I lost my husband to suicide. I still miss him. I still love him. I still dream about him often. As time goes on, it has gotten easier. I don't cry as much. But today is his anniversary death and I have cried.
When I went to bed last night, I cried. I'm so tired of being alone. He doesn't come through the door anymore. He doesn't call and check on me anymore. I miss his laughter, his hugs, his funny jokes, I miss his smile and so much more.
He was the love of my life and now he's gone. Gone way too soon. Until the day I die I will carry guilt with me. I will carry him in my heart forever. I carry his memories.
The images of him are seared in my mind and branded on my brain forever!
I also miss my only sibling/my older brother who also took his life. He took his life on January 1, 1998. He too will live in my heart forever.
I just wish that I could have helped them both. But I couldn't. I tried to help my husband, but he just wouldn't listen to me.
My heart aches for both of them. I miss them dearly. May they both RIP with the Lord.
