Today is October 2, 2015.
I can't figure out if time is passing me by or I'm passing time. It's been over 4 years and 4 months and I'm still having a very hard time trying to let go. I still think that "letting go" is the hardest part for me now.
I've been living on my own for over 2 1/2 years now. It's really hard to live alone, when your a woman. There are just some things I can't do. I have to have a man to do some things. For instance, yesterday when I went out to check the mail, my mail box was literally inches from the ground. I saw my next door neighbor out and asked him if he could fix it. I've been trying to get my landlord to fix it for months but he just hasn't come over to fix a few things. My neighbor fixed my mail box for me and didn't charge me anything. I now have a tall, sturdy mail box.
I miss my husband more than words can say. I can't remember the sound of his voice any more. I can't hear him laugh. I can still see his face though. And those horrible images will be seared in my mind forever. I still dream about him quite a bit, but not as much as I used too.
I have the entire bed to myself now and yet I still sleep on the same side as I always have.
I'm really happy when my grandsons come and spend the night. They are also a big help to me. I go to the grocery store and they carry the bags in the house for me. They help me around the house too. Their good kids!
The holidays are coming up. Before you know it, it will be Thanksgiving again. Then Christmas. I wish I could just disappear on the holidays. I still feel guilty trying to celebrate when he's not here to celebrate them with me. I do hope that this year I can spend it with my daughter and her family. It's supposed to be spent with family. But I don't know what their plans are yet. I've already invited them over and I still haven't gotten a yes or no. So right now I have no idea what I'll be doing.
Dale and I would cook together and had fun. He made great home made macaroni and cheese! He also made the best chili!
Today is about gone and tomorrow will be a new day. I just hope it's a good one!
