For a very long time after my husband left me, I would at times catch myself laughing at something funny, then quickly stopped laughing, because he wasn't here to laugh with me. I can now laugh again, but there are times when I just stop laughing because he pops in my mind.

I used to love to sing. He would pick out a CD and say to me, sing this song. So I'd get the microphone and sing for him. It took me a long time before I could sing again. Now I have been writing a poem about my husband but I sing it. I don't have any of my music paper to write it down nor do I have my piano anymore.

For a while I wouldn't hardly eat anything, because he wasn't here to eat with me.  I'm eating a little better now but need to get back on my diabetic diet.

Today I was in the grocery store was going down the isle and saw the Folgers Coffee, Colombian. Tears filled my eyes because that was the kind of coffee he bought and made every morning. I rarely drink coffee now.

The morning of that tragic day, he make a pot of coffee but never fixed him a cup. I will always wonder why he made the coffee in the first place. Had he been planning his death? Or could it just been a sudden decision? I'll never know...

I have begun to move on, but letting go is the hardest thing to do.

Somethings I do, I just feel so guilty because he isn't here with me to share them with.

For anyone who is reading this, please do NOT take your own life. It IS the most selfish act a human can make. People take their own life because they don't know anyway out of their situation. Some take their on life because they feel like they just don't have a choice anymore. They cannot see beyond what's right in front of their face. The ones left behind are the ones that hurt the most.

Until next time...