These past couple of weeks have been hard on me. I don't like it when someone tells me they are tired of hearing the same thing over and over and over and over!  I think that's just the wrong thing to say to someone who is still grieving. It really hurt my feelings too.

I've said this before, no two people grieve a like. Some can grieve and come to grips with it a lot sooner than others. But I've had so much death in my life, that it just gets harder.

When you lose someone from sickness, the grief is so much more different than losing someone to suicide. And I've lost two.

I know it's been 4 years, 2 months and 7 days since that tragic day when I found my dear husband of 29 + years hanging. I didn't even try to get him down. I have been riddled with guilt and I have cried every single day since I found him. I will always carry guilt until the day that I die.

I wrote a song about my sweet Dale. I've only let 3 people read the lyrics. I don't have music to it yet. I been told it was good and  unique.

I've written to John Lloyd Young, Erich Bergen, Colton Dixon (I think that's his name) and Ellen Degenerous. (Not sure if I spelled her last name right.)  I did hear back from the woman who runs John Lloyd Young's web page.  She says he reads it but doesn't write back. I'm not giving up!!

It's a song about Love and Suicide.

Please forgive me if I have repeated anything, but that's part of grieving, so I've been told.

There are a few who still blame me and I know who you are! Then there are those who say all the wrong things or just completely avoid me.

I don't know why God took my only sibling/brother and the only husband I ever had. I don't know why He took my mother when I was 11 and my grandmother when I was 15. The courts had just given her custody of me, but I never got to go live with her, she died.  I hope they are in Heaven and are watching over me, along with the rest of my family. I've so many.

Until next time....