Twenty years ago today, I quit smoking! Best thing I ever did. Now I have Asthma and COPD, but mild. I also nearly lost my life. I tried to tell the Doctor and the nurses that I wasn't going to make it. I had passed out, went into shock. When I came to, I told them that I felt like I was dying. That's when they took me serious! My blood count went down to 5.0. My blood pressure was down to 80/44 and dropping. By the time they rushed me into emergency surgery, my blood count had dropped more. I had lost a lot of blood. They gave me 6 units of blood and 2 units of fresh frozen plasma. God was there the entire time. The look on my husbands face, I'll never forget.

Its been 3 years, 4 months and 11 days since I lost the love of my life.

In the past 2 weeks, I've heard about 6 suicides, just in the metro Atlanta area.  People who commit this horrible act are in a lot of pain, either physically or mentally or both. Some leave notes and some don't. Some hide their feelings so well, that even the person that is the closest to them, cannot see the signs. I wish I could have seen the signs with my husband. I knew something wasn't right but just thought he was depressed because his business went down. He refused to shut it down. He refused to get another job. He stopped getting his unemployment and refused to go apply anymore.

The ones left behind are in so much pain, that I don't have the words to describe it. I lost the two men in my life that I loved the most to suicide. My only sibling, my older brother and my husband of 30 years.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of them. I still cry to this day for both of them. Every time I write in my blog, I have tears strolling down my face.

My brother has been gone since 1-1-98. I still haven't fully gotten over his death.

I'd just like to be happy again!  I can laugh now, so that's a good thing! But my life now as I know it, is so very lonely and I'm all alone.

I've been living by myself since March of 2013. It's hard but I'm making it.

I wish there was a way that we could all learn all the signs leading up to someone taking their own life.

Until next time...