It's been over 2 years now since I lost my dear husband. I just cannot get a grip, nor can I let go. The majority of my family is gone now, but this one hurt the worse.
I weep every day....I have flashes of him from when I found him and the pictures... they just don't go away in my head. At times I literally burst into tears.
I don't understand many things and some I do. There are so many unanswered questions that I'll never get answered.
I can't help but wonder if he really loved me at all. If he really did, then why did he do this to me, our daughter and our grandchildren?
I did tell him the night before how much I loved him but I don't think he heard me even though he was looking at my eyes while I talked to him. It was if God somehow told me what to say, but God took him anyway.
I still carry so much guilt, because I didn't get up when I first woke up. I sensed something wrong, but I just rolled over and went back to sleep.
I had told my husband that night before he left me, that I couldn't live without him.
I knew if would be hard being on my own, but I didn't know it was going to be this hard. Thank God I get to see my grandsons everyday.
I'm not going forward, I'm starting to go backwards and I can feel it. It really scares me too. I'm more depressed now. It's not easy living alone, especially when you don't like or want to live alone.
Will I ever get through this? I really don't know.
Most people are living their lives, while I'm just existing....
My Husband
In Memory
Sherry you have come so far in 2 years--you have done so many things you did not think you could do-please have patience with yourself and give it more time-you are stronger than you know
ReplyDeletehave you thought about getting a room mate? it's YOUR house this time so it would be different than when you were living in someone else's house
I hope you are still seeking help. Join a surviors group in the area where you moved to..I'm sure there is one around.
ReplyDeleteToni above is correct..you have come so far...and are much stronger than you give yourself credit.
Grief is a journey..you are only 2 yrs into yours. Take it one day at a time. Take each day hour by hour,minute by minute if necessary on those days it seems to be overwhelming you.
Don't rush the process...and don't think you can't make it on your own. God will see you through.
Maybe see if there is a local church you could go to and get involved with..be it your age or maybe children..maybe find a SR's center. Maybe teach them some of the crafts you know how to do.
I'm sure there is someone out there some where that would like to learn needle crafts.
Just don't give up..your family still needs you.