I'm going to tell you the story of what happened to me, on Labor Day Weekend in 1994. 

My husband was with me through it all. He took care of me and even shaved my legs for me! What a guy!

Previous to 1994, I had about 7 surgeries just for Endometriosis. I had a severe case of it. At the time I was taking ERT. (Estrogen Replacement Therapy) I found out later that Estrogen makes Endometriosis grow. I never understood why they gave me ERT if they knew that Endometriosis thrives off of Estrogen.

I was still having a lot of pain and told my Doctor. He said, "It should be gone by now." I got a 2nd opinion. They sent me for an ultrasound at the hospital.  When I saw the look on one of the nurses face, I knew something was wrong. That same day in the afternoon I got a call from my Doctor. He said " You have a 5x3x6 cm cyst coming from a microscopic ovarian remnant. My ovaries were removed several years before this. Some how a tiny piece of an ovary was left inside.

My Doctor told me that I needed surgery. He said they would do a laparotomy and get the cyst out. A laparotomy is a large incision in your abdomen.

When I woke up they told me that my Doctor did a laparoscopic procedure. As he inserted the laparoscope into my abdomen and touched the cyst, it ruptured.  While they were in there they did a lot of snipping away scar tissue and adhesion's.

Before the surgery I had to drink a bunch of nasty stuff that I cannot remember the name of. I just couldn't drink it. I ended up throwing it all back up! My nerves were shot and I continued to vomit. I was scared but not as scared as I was on that scary day....until next time.....

I did something today that I wasn't sure I could do.  Even though I used to live in Atlanta, the area of Atlanta that I had to be at this morning at 8:00 was not a familiar place.  I don't like driving on the expressway into Atlanta especially at that time of morning. Lots of traffic. When I got to my destination, I had to park, which cost me $10.00!! I had to walk a block down the road all by myself. All of this was so new to me and I was a little scared. But, I did it and I did it all by myself!

I remember when I was the photographer for the year book when my daughter was in the 2nd grade, her teacher said to me, "When you can't find help, you just do it all by yourself."  I guess she was right.

This really made me mad at my late husband! This is the first time that I really was angry at him for leaving me! How dare him leave me like this! He left so he didn't have to deal with everything and now I have a mess to fix. I still will always love him, but dang, I'm  just so angry right now. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

I finished what he started. I was told that I was crazy by someone when I paid off our Attorney! I told this person, that my husband started it and I was going to see to it that it was finished!  This is what he wanted. Today, it was finished!

This week has been a very busy week for me. I'm not used to going somewhere every single day of the week. But I have to do what I have to do.

The one thing that hurts me the most besides my husband taking his own life, is that people still blame me for what he did. Even though I carry guilt, it was not my fault and I didn't drive him to do it. It was HIS choice, not mine.  The people who blame me don't have a clue what my husband and I went through the last 2 years of his life. We were fine in our marriage, but not with his business.