I've been busy these past 2 months. I decided to move close to my daughter and my grandsons. I did get approved for Widows Disability Social Security. That was good news. The move down here itself was hard. What I thought would take about 2-3 hours took all day long. It also cost a lot more than I was told in the beginning.

I've been able to see my grandsons a LOT! I started keeping Marshall yesterday while his momma and daddy work. They can save money that way. I really enjoy him being here. He is so sweet. I love them all so very much!

I have so much left to unpack and I'm not even going to unpack everything. It's just box's of stuff, but I do need to find some things that I've not been able to find yet. It's hard to pick up the boxes that are on top of each other.

I haven't lived alone since I was 21 years old. At that time I had a full time job and lived alone. I hated living alone and I don't like it now either, but I'm so happy to be so close to my daughter, son-n-law and all my grandsons!

I don't sleep well except when the boys spend the night. The boys keep me busy and they are so sweet and so very helpful and loving!!

I still cry every day for my dear husband. It will be 2 years on the 21st of this month.  I dread that day so bad, but I'll have the kids with me so it will be better.  My daughter and son-n-law haven't had a honeymoon and will be married 4 years on the 18th.  If everything goes right, they will have their honeymoon next week and I'll have the boys!

I know that God is with me, but the grieving process is so long, for me anyway.

People get the wrong idea when you say you just want a male friend. I guess it's a man thing. Only God knows.

I still have moments when I just burst into tears. I can no longer keep any pictures of my husband out. I just look at them and cry. I had to put them up.

The other day I was in the grocery store, alone and I just happened to look up and saw a bag of Suddenly Salad and it was all I could do to hold back my tears. My husband loved that stuff! I just kept on going and telling myself do not cry, do not cry.

I still miss him so very much. Since I've moved down here, I won't be able to go to my grief meetings. I will really miss that. I will miss the new friends that I had made.

My heart is still so torn, so shredded, so battered from losing so many of my loved ones, but the 2 loved ones I lost from suicide has really taken me back.

Until I write again....