The next morning when I woke up, I sinced something was wrong. I noticed that our bedroom door was closed. The only time that my husband closed our bedroom door was when he needed to fluff his clothes. I didn't hear the dryer running and I didn't hear the shower water running. I thought he was on the front porch having his coffee, just like he did every day. Even though I had a gut feeling something was wrong, I went back to sleep. I don't know what time it was. I didn't look at the clock.

I woke up again, still having this since of feeling that something was wrong. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and got my robe on.  The bedroom door was still closed. I opened the bedroom door and I heard nothing. It was so very quite. I saw his shoes in the living room, right where he laid them every night.

That's when I got our cell phone and I called our daughter. I saw his wallet on the kitchen table. I just knew something was wrong, I just didn't know what. I asked my daughter if she had heard from her dad. She said, "no."  I told her that I saw where his shoes were, his wallet was on the kitchen table and she asked me, "Is the Durango there?"  I said, "Yes." By this time I was outside. He was no where in the house. He had made a pot of coffee when he got up, but he never drank a cup. My daughter asked me, "Is the 4-wheeler there?"  " I said yes". I decided the only other place to look was in his shop. 

The door to the shop was always closed unless he was outside doing things. I turned around and as soon as I turned the knob and realized it wasn't locked, there he was, hanging from the rafters in his shop.  I screamed so loud! I still had the phone in my hand but not up to my ear.  I just kept screaming and I started to run. Then I realized that I needed to get him down. But when I looked back at him, he was so still and pale. He was gone. There was nothing that I could do.  I did run in the house. I sat on the sofa and held the phone up to my ear.  My daughter had already hung up and called 911.

I thought I was going to pass out so I sat on the floor and kept putting my head down towards my knees. I called  911 and told the operator that I think my husband is dead. She said, "Why do you think he's dead?" I said, "Because I found him hanging in his shop."  She stayed on the phone with me until the police got there. It seemed like forever! I don't even remember if their sirens were on.

I kept saying that I was feeling like I was going to pass out so I kept putting my head towards my knees. I do remember telling the 911 operator that I want him back. I told her, "Why didn't he take me with him?" I just thought it was a bad dream.

A very nice police woman came in the front door. I hung up with the 911 operator. In came more police, detectives and paramedics. I know there were more police, detectives and the coroner outside. I just never saw them.

I thought it was a really bad dream and when I woke up, I'd be in my own bed. But when I opened my eyes, all these people were in our house. The detective asked me if we had been arguing. I said, "No." I said, "He was depressed because his business of 32 years was just gone and our house was in foreclosure."

They put me on a gurney and took me to the ER.  Several of his brothers and sister came to the hospital. Then someone brought our daughter. My heart ached for her. She had lost her daddy. I hugged her as she hugged me. It really seemed like a long hug. I told her I was so sorry. I had tried to help him, but he wouldn't listen to me.

The ER let me go several hours later. The doctor told the family members that were at the hospital with me, to not let me be alone that night. So my sweet daughter took me home with her.

I remember her telling 3 of our grandsons that granddaddy died today. He's in Heaven now. The two oldest cried. The younger one really didn't understand.  My heart just ached for them too. They all loved their granddaddy!
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My daughter's mother-n-law came to the house the next day. No one would let me be alone. I think they were all afraid that I would take my own life. I just may have, if I had of gone home. I was in such shock! I don't think I ate anything for 3 days.

My daughter, her husband, her in-laws, my husbands step brother and step sister were at the funeral home the next day making arrangements. I was in a daze to say the least.

I was sitting next to my daughter. The man at the Funeral Home gave me some papers but I didn't have my glasses. My daughter took the papers and signed them for me.  I thought that was very sweet of her.  I didn't get to pick out anything, but that's OK. As I said, I was in total shock!

As I was talking with the man at the Funeral Home, he had asked me if I wanted him buried or cremated. I began to talk. I said, "I'd rather bury him but he wanted to be cremated". As soon as the word "bury" came out of my mouth, my daughter dropped her hand on the table as if she slapped the table! She didn't let me finish speaking, but I did. I told them that my husband wanted to be cremated. So, I had him cremated.

The viewing was the day after my husband left us. Since he was being cremated, they didn't imbomb him. He just looked like he was sleeping.

When I got there, I saw so many people. I had a hard time going in the room my husband was in. But I did, I made it and I sat down in the chair next to him.

When everyone else left, my daughter's mother-n-law was still by my side. I asked my husbands sister to stay in the room with me. I had his sister on one side of me and my daughters mother-n-law on the other side of me. I leaned over and kissed him goodbye. I think I kissed him about 4 or 5 times. He was so cold. He hated to be cold.